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The battle for my body began at my abuela's house on Calle Ocho in Miami. As a kid I was always slim, with a small appetite. When Abuela would make me vegetable soup, I would take a few sips and then push it away because I was already full. In college I worked hard to gain weight by going to the gym and doubling my calorie intake. What seemed to come naturally to the other boys was something I had to work at every day. Everyone told me that I looked stronger and manlier, but the extra weight did not make me feel guapo.

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Dad and I spent a lot of time together this past summer. We discussed our weight issues and where it all began for us.

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He asked the obvious question: "Are you anorexic because of me? Even at his lightest, he looked invincible and guapo to me. Also during the summer, Dad ate burgers without qualms and maintained a solid gym regimen.

I admired that, since I couldn't eat a burger without worrying that my stomach would protrude. It seemed that Dad had finally gotten over his weight issues.

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However, one day while we were at the mall, he refused to go to into the Original Penguin store, because they had male models posing shirtless in their swimming trunks.

He took one look at their abs and shouted, "Put on a shirt!

It's easy to understand that age and youth fueled my dad's anorexia and are still a source of insecurity for him. But again, this is does not answer questions regarding my own anorexia and why, when I was building muscle in college, I saw a fat man in the mirror. Today Jeff and I have been together for over 10 years, and because of him I weigh He never let the anorexia win, and when I was panicking over heart palpitations a few years ago, he made sure that I was on a strict eating sdule.

Weight issues don't disappear. I don't know if I was predestined to battle against anorexia because of my genetics or if I fell victim to some nebulous male beauty standard.

Anorexia is a complex disease with no simple answer. I may spend the rest of my life monitoring my weight and wondering where my disease came from, but I am lucky to have a father who shares my pain, and a loving boyfriend who will always be there to support me.

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