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Must be between 18 and 25 years of age. Must prove this with ID upon hire. All supplies will be provided. Please reply with a full body photo preferably in the nude. Compensation will be negotiated. You would find that funny, Emily will say. More importantly, though, Emily is ugly.

you practically cry out to her. She pretends not to hear.

Housekeeper PART 1

This, though, is just to see if the man who posted it even responds to you. The man will respond in exactly twenty-three minutes asking to meet you in person so he can verify your age. The next thirty-six hours will be spent in what will feel like a blacked-out state.

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Even less so will you remember actually meeting him at Dunkin Donuts and showing him your ID while he waits on line for his coffee. How much does one even ask for when cleaning a house naked? The only other time you cleaned something for money was when you were nine and, to get you and your dad to bond, your mom forced him to let you clean his office.

He paid you twenty dollars for two hours of cleaning. What you wanted more than his money, though, was for him to notice how much effort you put into the work.

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You dusted his bookshelves without him asking; you plugged a honeydew scented air freshener into his wall in hopes of surprising him. You even scrubbed the old coffee stains out of his desk with a toothbrush. Your eyes might start to water, but a knock at the bathroom door will surely get your mind off of things.

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Each time you look up, though, his back will be turned to you and his eyes buried in a pile of papers. How many ways can one screw it up?

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I eat there. His body will jerk around a few times like a dying fish on land until finally coming to rest.

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